Lousy day!!!!!!!!!!!
2008 is coming to an end soon. Many of the people i know are looking forward to 2009 but i dont. No matter how much lively atmoshpere Mediacorp tries to instill in viewers for this season, they had definitely failed to cheer me up.
2008 is the year i turn 20, but i dont feel like 20 myself. I feel that i still have alot of childish thoughts and I am not independent enough compared to my peers. I tends to rely too much on parents. My dad's mere comment a few days ago about me once hit me hard. I ignored that comment of his by pretending to listen to my ipod but i know what he had said was very true. The comment was about me not being socialise enough for my age at those gathering (which explains why i hate those gathering so much since young.) I know i sound so "zi bi". But thats me. I have low EQ. My EQ is definitely below average for what is supposed to be for my age. And that is one of the reasons why i do not look forward to 2009.
Also, before my 20, i plan goals to be met at the age of 20. And these are not met either :(
Ohh...and it is quite demoralising to watch movie or tv show with those actors/actesses acting the role that is below 20yrs old. Like in twilight movie, Edward Cullen is only 19ys old?!?! Younger than me?!?!? And Bella is 16 or 17 yrs old? Their thinking in the book all these are so much matured than mines and i somehow feel inferior. Although is just a movie or a friction. But there are alot more. For example, mediacorp tv show, the little nyonya, qi yu wu is acting as a 20yrs old chen xi, aleady doing business!!! I really hate my age now. But its the fact that i cant run away with.
Dont know why i somehow feel that 2000 is just like yesterday. I still remenbered (very clearly) that-the day before 2000, my family had dinner at tiong bahru and my sis and i went to take neoprint, i still remenbered the way we look, the clothing we wear. It just feel like yesterday. But in fact, its 8 years ago. Many things had changed. Even the neoprint machine is no longer around anymore.
And looking ahead, i dont see 2009 as a better year for me either. I am afraid of that type of uncertainties during bidding and balloting rounds. Bidding is still okie, at least is under my control. But balloting....is not. I may be lucky for the past few sems but i am still afraid. Very afraid. Also, have to readapt to different lecturer's teaching style ALL OVER again, search for location, see many unknown faces....I dont look forward to school. And when everythings is somehow settled down, its EXAM period. Have to go through the rollar coaster ride again. And after exam, start worrying about result. And around Aug, everything start ALL OVER AGAIN (bidding, balloting, familiarising with the modules and stuff). bleahhh
And even the special day i look forward to in every year (when i was young) become my dreaded day ever since 2007. That day in 2009 will not be an expecption. It will be worst i presumed since 2009 is gonna be a special year for dragon babies.
*the song in my mind now is - li liang by luo zhi xiang.
2008 is the year i turn 20, but i dont feel like 20 myself. I feel that i still have alot of childish thoughts and I am not independent enough compared to my peers. I tends to rely too much on parents. My dad's mere comment a few days ago about me once hit me hard. I ignored that comment of his by pretending to listen to my ipod but i know what he had said was very true. The comment was about me not being socialise enough for my age at those gathering (which explains why i hate those gathering so much since young.) I know i sound so "zi bi". But thats me. I have low EQ. My EQ is definitely below average for what is supposed to be for my age. And that is one of the reasons why i do not look forward to 2009.
Also, before my 20, i plan goals to be met at the age of 20. And these are not met either :(
Ohh...and it is quite demoralising to watch movie or tv show with those actors/actesses acting the role that is below 20yrs old. Like in twilight movie, Edward Cullen is only 19ys old?!?! Younger than me?!?!? And Bella is 16 or 17 yrs old? Their thinking in the book all these are so much matured than mines and i somehow feel inferior. Although is just a movie or a friction. But there are alot more. For example, mediacorp tv show, the little nyonya, qi yu wu is acting as a 20yrs old chen xi, aleady doing business!!! I really hate my age now. But its the fact that i cant run away with.
Dont know why i somehow feel that 2000 is just like yesterday. I still remenbered (very clearly) that-the day before 2000, my family had dinner at tiong bahru and my sis and i went to take neoprint, i still remenbered the way we look, the clothing we wear. It just feel like yesterday. But in fact, its 8 years ago. Many things had changed. Even the neoprint machine is no longer around anymore.
And looking ahead, i dont see 2009 as a better year for me either. I am afraid of that type of uncertainties during bidding and balloting rounds. Bidding is still okie, at least is under my control. But balloting....is not. I may be lucky for the past few sems but i am still afraid. Very afraid. Also, have to readapt to different lecturer's teaching style ALL OVER again, search for location, see many unknown faces....I dont look forward to school. And when everythings is somehow settled down, its EXAM period. Have to go through the rollar coaster ride again. And after exam, start worrying about result. And around Aug, everything start ALL OVER AGAIN (bidding, balloting, familiarising with the modules and stuff). bleahhh
And even the special day i look forward to in every year (when i was young) become my dreaded day ever since 2007. That day in 2009 will not be an expecption. It will be worst i presumed since 2009 is gonna be a special year for dragon babies.
*the song in my mind now is - li liang by luo zhi xiang.
posted by yb at
12:00 AM
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